Friday, September 12, 2008

It's a recipe for success, y'all

The solution to our oil crisis is so simple, y'all. A few simple steps....

Step One:
Use cloning and genetic technology to regenerate an entire army of hybrid T Rex-Wooly Mammoths. Their hideous appearance and incredible stench will make the next few steps run smoother.
Step Two:
Build a gigantic nuclear pressure chamber, about the size of Rhode Island. Use recyclable materials whenever possible.
Step Three:
Trick all of the hybrid Wooly T-Rexes into the chamber. This shouldn't be too difficult due to their total lack of cognition from the unholy cross-breeding. And since they're so hideous and smelly PETA won't mind.
Step Four:
Add a few tons of fossilized plants for good measure. Turn on the pressure chamber to medium. Make sure the spiggot is closed or it will not be pretty. Dino sludge flood, y'all!
Step Five:Allow the pressure and heat to work its magic for about 20 minutes. If you're really in a pinch turn it to the highest setting and you'll be ready in about 15.
Step Six:Place your container of choice under the spiggot and voila! You got yourself some real-live crude oil, y'all! And you skipped all those pesky ice ages and meteor impacts.

Now I just need an investor...minimum commitment of around 437 billion and some homemade macaroni should do. It's just science, y'all!