I can't think of anything to write, so I asked my best pal Jonna "Heisman" Brown to give me a topic.
She chose the topic of "Spanx". She's never led me astray, so I'll roll with it.
If you're a female (or a drag queen) and have never used these, then you are foolish and deserve to be ridiculed. Many high-powered and important ladies swear by these magical girdles..Oprah,Beyonce, John Travolta... I am convinced that they're sewn by angels out of threads of pure love. They are more important to mankind than any stupid vaccine or invention. They suck in everything and don't creep or roll, and that alone spares the world alot of grief. Have you ever been around a woman whose pantyhose don't fit right during an important event? Not. Fun.
So in conclusion, Spanx are the most important invention of the past 2000 years. Also, they've allowed me to write this, and in doing so I've put off doing my laundry for about 15 minutes, and that is a gift in itself. Thanks, Jonna. And thank you, Spanx.
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