VDay, Schmee Day

In honor of this holiest of holy days of love and capitalism, I made you a card.



Also, if you teach teenagers, do not tell them to "hand me your V-Cards". Awkward laughter will ensue. Trust me.

My fans are demanding.

During my most recent trips to Starbucks and Spago, I was accosted by several hundred of my fans, demanding that I update my blog. I could barely get out of my Beemer from all of the screaming and crying. So, here are some pictures I like. You're welcome.

Icepocalypse '09

Oklahoma is hardcore. We pride ourselves in being badasses. Hello...dustbowl era?

We're known for our extremes.... religion, politics, and weather. The saying is that if you don't like the weather in Oklahoma, wait a few minutes.

But this week's weather can kiss my ass. Last week we had a high of 79. I wore flip flops.

This week we had a genocide of ice take over and swallow up my sanity. Powerlines are laying everywhere. Trees are split like string cheese and you can't walk to your car without risking your life. We've been out of school for four days, y'all. That doesn't happen in Oklahoma. If your four wheeler can make it to the bus stop, then you get your ass to school. Here are some award-winning photos of the carnage.

Lonely Only

Today I'm dedicating myself to watching the "17 Kids and Counting" marathon on Discovery Channel. I am inappropriately obsessed with them. I grew up all by myself and always wanted a lot of siblings. Instead, I spent my time whittling and teaching my Barbies interpersonal skills.

I don't have a hard time imagining or putting myself in other's shoes..but I cannot comprehend what it's like to live in a house with 16 brothers and sisters. I can barely stand sharing my appetizer at Chili's.

The Duggars are visiting Silver Dollar City in this episode. I freaking love Silver Dollar City. Someone take me there right now.

When my future beloved and I have 17 children, their names will be as follows and they will all begin with a 'K', duh.

Kandleabra

KrushGroove

Konseedance

Kripple Krabb

Koolmodee

K'Laid

Keeper of dem gemz

Kustard

KiliminjarOH!

Konstantinople

Klaymashun

Krystlemeth

Kumquatt

KitKat

Kysmitt

Kraken

Krackerbag

Kevin

Robert Goulet

Yes, he is beautiful. He even has a bell. RINGALINGALING!!!!!

Reckon...

It's Friday. I'm getting myself a new bike today. I don't know what to name him.
My last bike was Bill Murray, but he lives with a new mommy now. She can give him the life that I couldn't.
I've narrowed down that names....please tell me what you think.

Farley
Pickles
Dr. Tooth
Clover
Wooly Mammoth
Sardine Sandwich Jenkins
Steve

Your mom's a politics

As we all know, 1st graders are very concerned with ethics and scandal. History has shown us time and time again that the greatest political analysts are usually between 5 and 8 years old. It's just political science!

Calvin Coolidge, History's Greatest Monster

I cannot tell a lie, I'm crazy about democracy!!!

"Sock it... to meee????"- Tricky Dick