Overheard on a Thursday 2.0

Cher-obsessed boy: Mother Teresa is by far the sexiest lady of all time....

Me: Where is your sketchbook already?!?!

Lanky Kid: I lost it in the great sketchbook fire of '96. Please don't bring it up.

Wednesday

Me: When did you last cry?

Lanky kid: Last night....when I had diarrhea soooo bad. And next time I cry I'm going to write you a letter with the tears as proof.

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Me: What word would you use to describe yourself?

Lanky kid: *Pause* Chicken. *Pause* NO! TURKEY.

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Lanky kid: HEY JUMPER. I'm getting an owl *Pause* No. I'm getting a falcon. Then we can have *SCREEEEEEEEEECH* contests.

Shaggy-haired senior: Maybe Monet was a cyborg. Is that a bundle of wires in a field, or some haystacks? You don't know.

Overheard on a Friday

Smart WOW kid: I know that because I read it in my book about ancient bats.

Tuesday...

Me: So, who is the Surrealist artist we all know...he had a crazy mustache?
Class: *crickets*
Me: COME ON! He painted clocks melting?
Girl in front : Oh...clocks..yeah, that's Flava Flav.

Rocker Kid: Oh, hey..my drumset's birthday is today!

Rock Brain: Yeah, but..beauty isn't in the eye of the beholder...it's in the eye of the BUTT holder.

Me: Hey, are you still staying at your grandma's?

Lanky Lankerson: No, no more grandma. All she did all day was talk about people and cry.

Freshman Girl: Why are you taping pizza crusts together???

Freshman Boy with Pizza Crusts: Quiet. I'm working.

Ol' Red: Dude, do you realize you have two backpacks on?

Not-so-small-emo-boy: Yeah, dude...one's for my Pokemon cards.

This and That.

Me: Hey, how did you feel after the blood drive?
Tall Boy: Oh, I was ok. I went home at ate a whole thing of Bagel Bites so...ya know...

Taco Boy: Yeah, well...I don't know if this will be as cool to y'all but...I killed a scorpion with a sword last night.

Sneaky Boy (gazing at clay creation): Noooo, this isn't a pipe...it's a...one of those uh....logs, like in a log ride? I really just love log rides!

Realism

Aristotasaurus

Me: So...what is a philosopher?

Polite Young Man 1: (dead serious) Oh...that's a dinosaur, isn't it? The Philosoraptor??

"Ladies' Man Abe Lincoln"

Test test test

Me: So, did you have fun on the band trip? Meet any honeys?

Not So Small Emo Boy: No honeys, but they were definitely admirin' my stride.

Swagger boy 1: Dude, me and the old lady broke up last night. We are not getting back together this time.
Swagger boy 2: Whatever, dude, how is this any different than the 300 other times y'all broke up?
Swagger boy 1: Well, for one I didn't have glow-in-the-dark shoes or a glow-in-the-dark phone case back then...

Bespeckled girl: *calmly, with chin on fist* See...this is just like what I've been saying. You know, it's like my narwhal crossed with a horse idea....so you can ride an underwater unicorn....

Me: Hey, will you pick up that pencil you just dropped...
Incredulous Senior Boy: That pencil ain't miiiine! That pencil don't even look like me!

Shoeless freshman: You know what would be really terrifying?? A shapeshifting otter. ESPECIALLY in the whisker area....

Ginger Boy: *Hummmming in unison with some other kids* Man, we are good at this. We should start a three-way singing group....a vocal threesome...a three-man voice orgy.....what is that called?!

Not-So-Small-Emo-Boy: *Sits up straight* IT'S 10 AM AND I NEED A BURRITO!!!!!!!

Summer Olympics 2040

Bro 1: Ugh, I forgot. I have detention for misbehaving in Spanish.

Bro 2: What for??

Bro 1: Playing "Gay Chicken" disruptively.

Bro 2: What's "Gay Chicken"?!

Bro 1: When you get as close to kissing your dude friend as you can before chickening out.....I won.

Dead serious kid with no shoes: I like your earrings, by the way...they remind me of me. I like to fly. I'm a fly guy. Not a shy guy.

I see my friiiends.

Not-so-small-emo-boy: (Frantically) Wait a minute...it's the Tuesday after Spring Break and not a single person has mentioned Rebecca Black?!?! Maybe they're waiting for Friday....

Mini-Space Cadet's Thoughts for Thursday

Wait, isn't a breast argumentation a boob job?

That giraffe is farting hearts, sooooo cute!

I'm going to put my sister on Craigslist.

Illlusionnnns...

Me: Hey, I like your cardigan.
Not-so-small-anymore-emo boy: *Pulls out imaginary card deck* Is this your card..again?

Mini Space Cadet: (after a very long day at choir contest) Jumper, did you know that choir kids actually sing on the choir bus...the whole way there and bacccccccck?
*pause*
Time for a poop break!

Sounds itchy.

Mini Space Cadet: I left school for three hours today. In that time, I developed Bieber Fever!

Gum as you are.

Rock and Roll Cowboy: Jumper, do you have any Chiclets? I love Chiclets. I need them. HOW DO YOU HAVE MEXICAN STUDENTS AND NOT HAVE CHICLETS!!!!!!!!!!??*pause*
I'm outta here.

Stick it to em.

Ol' Red: You know what they say...if you hate something, tape it to a giant stick.

More like Lame Action, amirite.

Gamer Girl: Do you even know what LARPing meannnnnnns?
Me: Yes. And I am too old and cool for it.
Gamer Girl: WHAT-EVERRR. LARPing is cool, I read it on Tumblr.

Free to a good home.

Lanky kid in a hoodie: *Rolls up to my desk behind giant trashcan, trying to conceal his identity, then pops up* "Hey JUMPER! If I didn't have any parents or a dad, would you adopt me so that you don't look like a pervert?"

Young love.

Bespeckled band girl: Should I tell him that he smells like my dead mother? That faint smell of cigarette smoke and chicken....

Ninja, please.

Lanky kid in a hoodie: *opens door, rolls in a ball across the floor, crawls to my desk on his belly, pops up slowly in front of my desk* "Did you know I was there???"

Stuff My Students Made

http://stuffmystudentsmade.tumblr.com/

Your Mother for $200, Alex.

Kid with gloves, after being asked if he was late: No, I came in on time...unlike Burt Reynolds on Celebrity Jeopardy, he comes outta nowhere.

O, Engineers.

Sports girl: Yes, he is real smart. He's going to college on a scholarship for smarts....to be a pioneer or engineer or something....

Ft. Lauderdale WKRP

Kid with the Germs t-shirt: What does this mean? Kin-sin-atty? What is that? Kinsinatty??

Me: That says "Cincinnati".

Kid with the Germs t-shirt: Well, whatever man...I'm not from Florida.

Goth Talk

Goth boy: Someone told me that I look like So-and-So Scissor Fingers.
Me: Do you mean Edward Scissorhands?!?!
Pause
Sheepdog Haired Boy: I think you look like a wizard.

Ol' MCC

Space Cadet: Ohhhh, I am so hungry. I have mustard chicken in my car. Don't you dare call me "ol' mustard chicken car".