Cars, zombies, etc.

I'm watching Total Recall right now while doing laundry. It's making me really wish that I lived on Mars.
First of all, I like the color red.
Second of all, girls go to Mars to get more candy bars, while boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider. It's just science!
But why I really want to move there is for the Johnny Car. Being able to tell an automaton where I want to go and not have to tip him or talk about his home country would be outstanding. I love talking to random strangers, but the pressure of having to be chatty and southern-sweet is especially difficult when you're staring at the back of someone's head.
As most of you know, the reason I didn't buy my Toyota with a standard transmission is for the simple fact that if a zombie invasion occurs,I want anyone of any age and ability to be able to drive my car. It's very thoughtful of me, really. But if I had a Johnny car, that wouldn't be a problem. The other solution, for now, is for me to hire a driver. I can pay you in Whiskas and high fives. I'll even let you wear one of my many hats so you'll feel important. Please send resumes and headshots to me via the myspace.
Time to load the dryer!
kthnxbai.

Blogs are for Fugs

Blogs are so self-serving. You think enough people actually care enough about your thoughts that they'll log into their computers and read your thoughts on politics and fashion?

Duh. Of course they do.
It beats working, sleeping, or living in general.

Therefore, I shall divulge many important things via blog, por ejemple:

Why I hate certain things..
Why I hate certain people that I don't know..
What makes me happy and why you should care..
Words that bother me..
Why only children are better than you..
Why my cats are better than you..
And probably many other exciting and life-changing topics that you'll surely be interested in.
As soon as I get a job, I'm sure I'll lose interest. Until then, this is my job.
Lucky you.